


Conscious Shift

by Voidspeaker (Cloudspun)



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Child Death, Gen, Mentioned Abuse, Mentioned Assault, Miscarriage, Shapeshifting, Silver is female in this one, Trauma, i really don't know how to tag this, mentioned rape, pokemon helping pokemon, sad fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-12 18:10:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19950625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cloudspun/pseuds/Voidspeaker
Summary: (Title is not finalized)If a shapeshifter doesn't want to be held, she won't be.(Rape that is warned for is referenced, not depicted.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Guys, I literally do not know how much I'm going to share of this; it goes somewhere interesting, I promise, but there's a veneer of shame for sharing this because of the implications of the content. It spawned out of a dream a few years ago and has revived itself recently.

She woke up, sometimes.

The ache in her back and her hips and limbs was usually all she was aware of before the relief of sleep took her again, the scent of sex and chemicals and whatever particular type they’d set on her next flooding her too-sensitive nose.

This time, though, she’d woken relatively painfree. She could see the Espeon they’d paired her with staring at her intensely; images of the door being unlocked and her leaving flashed across her mind.

 _“Can’t. They’ll track me.”_ She thought back. Images of a pitch-dark night danced in her vision, and the image of her escaping pressed more urgently onto her brain.

_“Where would I go?”  
_

A trail, visible only to ghost and psychic types, lead away. Lead to safety, to understanding and protection. Then, the thought of departure again, and a single word. **_Now_**.

Silver rose on trembling paws, vaguely aware of the slight bloat of her navel and its significance - she would deal with that minefield later, and whatever happened with the pups would happen. Quietly, she padded to the paddock door, glancing out at the moonless, stormy night. A gesture, a telekinetic thought, and the latches were undone; they’d never thought she’d _use_ her abilities, once they gave them to her, so they’d never thought to protect against them. A glance back at the Espeon, who showed her a lake nearby. She nodded, returned her thanks and a promise to come back with help, and dove into the night.

\---

She knew when they found her missing; the collar they had on her went off if removed. A helpful Ratata had found her near the lake, as she wondered how to escape using it, and had gnawed through the metal in moments with a well-placed hyper fang. Before they could reach her, could capture her again, she dove into the water, felt her pelt shift slightly to move through the river with all the speed and fluid grace of a vaporeon without losing the size and power of the arcanine-form she’d immediately taken once the changes settled. Let them find a trail that didn’t exist; she’d be long gone by the time they thought to check the waters.

She hit ocean a few hours and a frustrating delta later; the trail that the espeon had shown her was far easier to feel and follow than she’d expected, but it still felt like she had a long way to go.

\---

Two days she swam, catching and eating fish and birds as she had to, before she found the lush little island. The psychic presence was _heavy_ , like a stone weighing on her mind, as she crawled back onto solid land. She felt the tiny little minds -not even aware yet, just barely there- that she carried with her complaining, and as swiftly as that the presence lifted.

_Who goes there?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Safety is found, and with it the discovery that sometimes nowhere is safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm adjusting the rating and warnings on this; it deals with some heavy things, referencing some horrible stuff and outright depicting other horrible stuff.

Silver shook herself off at the shore and sat, uncertain as to how she should reply. One of the pups kicked within her belly, and she felt the tiredness ache in her bones.

_"I was told I could find safety here. I'm an escapee from... from bad circumstances."_ She sat, trying to ignore the steadily growing presence at the corner of her eye. If this psychic-type wanted to be seen, they - he? - would be seen.

_"You're far more eloquent than I'd expect of an arcanine. Most that I've met spoke in images and feelings, not words."_ The voice in her hear was definitely masculine, but a masculine voice didn't mean much; her aunt had sounded masculine for a couple years, before her vocal range had shifted.

_"I'm not really an arcanine, truth be told."_ Best to be forward with the truth now than to have her pups come to harm later. _"I am... I was, rather, a human. Scientists decided they wanted to try turning people into shapeshifters, and then see if offspring from the survivors would retain the genetic modifications and abilities. I don't want to shift back for the time being because I don't know what the shift would do to my pups."_

The shimmer to her right was unignorable now; she turned and saw a tall, graceful-looking pokemon staring at her; she recognized the form as one of the legendaries that had been born by human hands, and bowed her head. _"If you wish me to leave, I will; I just ask that I be given a night to rest, the journey was a long one and I've more lives than just my own to be responsible for."_

Mewtwo eyed her warily; she felt a gentle prod at her mind, and let the Genetic pokemon sift through the last two months of her life, as well as whatever he pleased of the time before. After a few minutes - and the feeling of being a joltik under a magnifying glass - Mewtwo withdrew from her mind.

_"You are safe here. Remain as long as you wish, even til your young join this world; the island is open to you. They will not find this place."_

At that, he vanished.

Relief flooded her skull and gave her the slight rush of energy she needed to haul herself back onto her weary paws; her body wanted very much to give in to exhaustion then and there, but the tide was low and she had zero desire to be woken by the rising surf. Too, sand was difficult to groom out of fur, so she’d learned when she had gone to the beach with her little brother and the pokemon she’d been training before...

She shook her head clear of the memory, making the slow and tired trek up the shore to the forest; perhaps she could find a nook in a hillside, or a small clearing. She could probably dig a den once she’d recovered from her escape and the journey.

\---

> _“Any sign of her, boss?”_
> 
> _“None. The tracking collar was chewed in two when we found it, either she shifted and bit it in two before it could adapt or she had something else chew it off.”  
> _
> 
> _“Word came from higher up, they don’t want shifters roaming around. They said to find her and destroy her, but we can’t find her, so we’re screwed.”_
> 
> _“Well...”  
> _
> 
> _“Well what? You got somethin to say, grunt?”  
> _
> 
> _“I know you told us not to, boss, but the instructions from on high specified that there had to be a destruction chip in mama and her babies. We didn’t put one in mama like you said, but the babies... we can terminate ‘em from any distance, as long as she’s within satellite range.”_
> 
> _“Those pups could be human minds. I don’t like it.”  
> _
> 
> _“It’s pups whose brains probably can’t even think yet or us who’ve got spouses and families, boss. I don’t think it’s as hard a choice as you’re making it, and if we recapture her we can give her more to be mama to. Here’s the detonator remote. It’s your choice.”  
> _
> 
> _“...She’s going to come back and kill us all.”  
> _
> 
> _“At least then it’ll be a swift death and our families would get the life insurance payout, plus worker’s comp. Giovanni would torture and kill them until we begged to take their places, and then kill everyone just to make his point to the other branches.”  
> _
> 
> _“Fine. ...I’m so sorry, kiddo.”  
> _
> 
> _**BEE-BEEEEEEP**   
>  _

\---

Silver woke in a small, natural den lined with the softest moss she’d ever felt; the roof was made of tree-roots, which surrounded her like rounded walls, and the exit was sheltered by a rather dense and belligerent shrub. It smelled damp and felt warm, and she was pleased to see that her own fiery core temperature hadn’t been enough to scorch the moss beneath her.

It made her think of home, a bit; the mossy bed was softer than anything she’d slept on as a human, even before she’d started on her trainer journey. Memories came flooding back, of her mother, her little brother, and the pokemon she’d befriended and ‘captured’; always, always she’d asked before battling them and bringing them along. Her eyes stung, and she curled into a tight ball and cried herself back to sleep.

A gentle brush of another’s mind against her own woke her some time later; concern radiated - she recognized Mewtwo, and gave them -him? they felt like a male- a tired greeting.

_“It seemed prudent that I check on my island’s newest resident; did you sleep well?”  
_

_“I slept better than I ever did in Rocket’s care, though that’s not much of a bar to set. I slept terribly, compared to how I used to sleep before they captured me, but then I understand that that’s trauma’s way. The mind doesn’t process the thing until the thing is over and it’s safe to break down.”_ Silver snorted. _“You left before I could thank you for your hospitality, so thank you for giving me shelter. If I can repay you, I’ll be happy to do so.”_

She felt gentle amusement in response to her offer. “ _If you would indulge my curiosity, then; where are you? The main group of pokemon whom I brought here previously have established a small village-like area towards the center of the island, and you are quite a ways from there.”  
_

_“I was exhausted when I arrived; I barely made it off the shoreline before I blacked out. I don’t remember finding this place.”_ She rose and crawled her way out of the den, shaking off the few leaves that clung to her fur. There was a small clearing a few yards away, and the entrance was well-hidden even with her standing on top of it. She’d need to mark it somehow, so she could find it again.

_“A clever hiding place; I will not blame you if you wish to remain, from what I had seen your suffering wasn’t just at the hands of Rocket members, but at those of their pokemon as well.”_ Mewtwo was standing in the clearing, the same amusement she’d felt across the mental link dancing in their eyes.

_“May I ask a potentially intrusive question?”_ Silver dared; better to know than to assume. Consent echoed across the mental link. _“All of the references I’ve heard about you and others like you said that you and other Mewtwo were genderless, but I know that the Mewtwo in Unova tended to present herself as feminine. I don’t know how you want yourself to be referred to, and humans tend to say assuming makes an ass of both involved parties.”  
_

Mewtwo physically _chuckled_ at that. _“I am_ **he** _whom Giovanni attempted to control; we both have grudges against Rocket, it seems, but mine is not to be acted upon. I would rather go as unknown as possible to humanity, particularly with so many in my charge.”_

Silver nodded, sending wordless gratitude along the link. She walked out into the clearing, soaking the light into her fur as she considered her next questions. Before one came to her, dread shot along her spine and a chorus of near-inaudible (certainly inaudible to human ears) beeps sounded from her stomach.

White-hot pain flared in her abdomen as the tiny minds of her pups screamed in agony and fell terribly silent; the last thing she saw as the pain and fear stole away her consciousness was Mewtwo’s horrified expression.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK! Time to chase all that pain with some comfort; I do feel bad for Mewtwo, he never really experienced how messy human grief can be.

Mewtwo caught the crumpling shifter -currently an arcanine, and had she not told him outright what she was he would have treated her as any other arcanine he’d met- and winced at the chorused shriek of pain in his mind. All but one of those voices went terrifyingly silent a moment later; he felt his stomach churn as blood began to drip from Silver’s nose, and as a pool began to form beneath her. The tiny lives he’d sensed in her were gone.

Old, white-hot anger chased the chill of horror from his veins. She’d been seeking shelter, and those that had hurt her in the first place thought to harm her further? The younglings, whether or not they would’ve inherited their mother’s ability, had been innocent.

Just like Ambertwo had been.

He shook the thought from his mind, chasing that ghost from the present, and cast a thought out to the small village of pokemon in search of the trio of audino who had joined their number a year ago; when he found them, he warned them he was bringing an injured pokemon to their cave.

Silver’s hindquarters were soaked with blood and something else he didn’t want to consider as he lifted her fully from the ground; chances were that she wouldn’t want to return to the old den she had found the previous night, and he wouldn’t blame her.

\---

The world winked from the clearing to the audinos’ den; gently, ever so gently he laid the shifter on the raised platform of earth the three Hearing pokemon used as an exam table. Releasing her, he stepped back and watched.

The eldest audino tapped a piece of audinite that she’d tied onto a crude necklace and mega-evolved; the other two began rapidly checking over Silver’s trebling body as their elder focused on the bleeding and the lessening bluge at the arcanine’s abdomen.

“She’s like no arcanine we’ve seen before!” Cried the youngest.

“Her body structure’s a little different, like how the clones are different from their originals.” Agreed his sister.

“She is a shifter, she was a human that a group of bad humans kidnapped and experimented on.” Mewtwo sighed. “She came here seeking safety for herself and her pups.” His attention turned to the eldest, whose expression turned grim as she straightened.

“Well, her pups won’t need safety anymore. No heartbeats, and the placenta’s detached and being expelled as we speak. Even if they were still alive I don’t think I could save them alone.” She shook her head, placing a gentle paw on Silver’s stomach. “She’s going to be fine, and perhaps someday the trauma will ease enough that she’ll have children of her own volition, but when she wakes I expect her grief will be violent. Unless the shock snaps her back to her original form, and even then, human grief tends to be messier than even pokemon can manage, particularly when they’re in shock.” She tugged gently on her earlobes, thinking. “We don’t have clothes or any normal human comforts here; I know you can make yourself look like a trainer, if you absolutely have to go among humans, would you go and fetch some? If you feel the need to earn appropriate yen for it, I’m sure some of the others would be willing to go with you and act as the team to your trainer.”

Mewtwo looked askance at her, but there was wisdom in her words. He nodded in acquiescence and went off to find Charitwo, Meowthtwo, and a couple of others; he paused in the mouth of the cave, and sent a thought and a little power back to the girl -who, as predicted, was already shifting back to her human form.

_**Sleep** , Silver. **Sleep** and heal._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mewtwo isn't breaking his rule about humans. He's _not_. Besides, she's a shapeshifter so she doesn't count.  
> Nobody who knows is buying it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok HERE is the slight sweet to make up for all the hurt earlier. I mistimed it.

It felt strange to wear a human shape. Even stranger was directing his charges in gentled battles with other humans; everyone from the youngest bug catchers to the overconfident adults wanted to challenge him and therefore themselves and their teams. His charges still won, most of the time, even if they had to work for it.

The fact that they had to work for their victories made the battles more enjoyable, though. Losing stung, but that was alright. No-one could be perfect (a fact that his genetic-cousin had beaten into his head during a non-hostile rematch a few months after he’d settled the island); what mattered was a) his charges were having a grand time, b) he’d amassed a small fortune, and c) he’d found a particular riverside laboratory he’d glimpsed in Silver’s mind.

They never saw him come in, and they had far greater worries when he left, a young woman’s backpack and belongings in hand and her pokemon -save for a very insistent and concerned abra- safely in their balls at his hip.

The abra, who called himself Nyx, was of great help finding decent clothing that would fit Silver; Mewtwo also purchased a blanket that had a comforting weight to it, though that ate away most of his earnings.

\---

_“You’re willingly walking among humans, cousin? That’s a huge step forward for you, I’m proud of you!”_ A voice he hadn’t heard in a long time broke his concentration before he could teleport back to the shore of the island; He glanced up, seeing the familiar pink blur of Mew darting towards him. She pulled up short in front of him, looking him over.

_“What were you doing in the city, anyway?”_

_“I may have adopted a human, cousin.”_ Mewtwo sighed, letting invisibility replace the illusion he’d hidden himself with, _“She was a subject to human experiments that turned her into a shapeshifter; whether the form she’d taken was her choice or theirs I am uncertain, but they wanted to see if their experiments had stuck on a genetic level. The day after she arrived, they killed the pups she was carrying, and from what I saw the only reason they didn’t kill her too was that their leader had a shred of mercy and insisted that the measures not be implemented.”_ He had spared the humans their lives, but the facility and its logs were destroyed and the pokemon held captive there had been released; a few of them were on their way to the island, though the ones who had been forced on Silver had elected -of their own volition, no less!- to find other havens.

Mew looked him in the face, and he dropped his gaze; he didn’t want to hear it, he wasn’t going soft on humans-

_“This is good for you, cousin. This is a step forward. I’d like to come along and meet this person you’ve adopted.”_

\---

Silver was on the edges of overcoming his Sleep ability when they returned. Nyx immediately teleported to the girl’s side, chittering softly at her as she stirred. Mewtwo joined the abra, gently setting the parcels in view and easy reach.

“I’m surprised she’s stirring so quickly; you were gone for a day, normally it takes two or three if you don’t come and wake the individual up.” The eldest audino -Soothe, she was named; Mewtwo felt slightly ashamed that he’d forgotten- chuckled; she shooed Nyx back a few steps and adjusted the makeshift blanket she and her siblings had laid over Silver’s form. She shivered, and grey eyes cracked open.

“How long was I out?” Her voice was raspy, perhaps from disuse or perhaps from dehydration, but she ignored the small bowl of water that was immediately proffered; she sat up slightly, one hand wrapping instinctively around the ragged blanket to hold it over her shoulders.

_“A day and a half. I took the liberty of retrieving your belongings and some fresh clothing; Nyx was very helpful in picking things he believed you would like. I thought that perhaps having familiar souls nearby would help.”_

Silver looked at him, then at the package, then around at the den. She hung her head after a moment, and nodded.

“ _It wasn’t a bad dream, then.”  
_

The grief he felt in those six words seemed almost comparable losing Amber; no, they were more than what he’d felt. He hadn’t dealt with loss of this magnitude before, and felt suddenly out of his depth.

“ _I’m so sorry, Silver. We couldn’t save them. Not... not as they should have been._ _I appealed even to the eldest of the gods, but they said there was nothing they could do; Arceus said the young ones’ souls will find other ways into this world, and that they will remember and seek you when they do. _”__ He gestured to the package; a small bracelet freed itself from the paper, the dangling charm glowing softly as it hung in the air. _“This is a gift from another, who said it would keep clothing and items that otherwise wouldn’t fit within its charm when you shift._ “ He floated it to her, its tiny growlithe-shaped stone winking in the darkness. “ _Nyx was convinced that it would be perfect for you, even now.”  
_

The girl cupped her hands around the charmed chain, a watery smile sneaking across her face. “At... at least they aren’t hurting.” She murmured, then bowed her head. “Thank you for your kindness, Mewtwo. I owe you a great deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That ending feels awkward and I don't know how to fix it.

**Author's Note:**

> this chapter looked longer on tumblr.


End file.
